ETHAN AND THE THREE STEPS TO CURVING AN UNWANTED KISS

This is another funny little story of the strange dudes that seem to be interested in me (my good friend back in Montreal loves to joke and say I have a special kind of pheromone that attracts these types of dudes). I’m sure we girls (and guys) can relate to having someone try to put unwanted moves on you. This story is a perfect addition to the mini series of sad and awkward old man suitors in my life.

I’m currently on a 6-week long Europe trip with a friend and I’m writing this looking at my half eaten sea food paella (which was hardly eaten because it was awful) in Barcelona. However, this particular event took place in Paris.

Our first night in Paris we were lucky enough to make a friend from Washington. For the sake of this story we’ll call her Anna. We met her on the street as were walking to the metro. She was on her way to do a bus tour when she stopped us and said she saw us as we were checking in and asked if we’d be interested in coming out with her that night. We were really excited because one of the personal goals for our trip is to make friends. And here we are walking and minding our own business and boom! Instant friend! It was awesome.

That night we went out to a speak easy bar which to get to you need to go through a pizza restaurant which we thought was pretty cool. This is where we met Ethan*. He too was someone from the hostel that our friend Anna met .

A little about Ethan: He’s tall, like basketball player height and very skinny. He has shoulder length thin shaggy blonde hair and a mole on the right side of his cheek. He’s from California and traveling with his younger sister on vacation as they’ve recently come into some money after selling their family company to a massive corporation. He’s not totally hideous but he’s also not a Greek god, however, this isn’t the problem. The problem is this MAN is 31 years old!

I don’t mean to emphasize the age difference to offend anyone with an 11 year age difference in their relationships; I really don’t. But this is a difference that makes me uncomfortable and I know I can’t be the only one feeling this way.

This MAN tried on multiple occasions to stick his tongue in my mouth. The first time was at the hostel bar in Paris where we spent most of our nights because all of the new friends we’ve made we’re there and the hostel workers were super nice (and good looking). Because my traveling buddy wanted to see the cute bar tender/concierge guy from Portugal working at the hostel we decided to stay until the bar closed (2am). While we were there a man came up to our (my traveling friend from home , Ethan and I) table and first asked my friend and I if he could buy us some drinks. When we refused, he then started to flirt with Ethan which confused us all until the moment he walked away from us and back to his friends.

Later in the night, me being the facetious little devil that I am asked that same flirty man to take a pic with Ethan as he was walking by our table. Hehehe This man seemed as if he was going to take a normal picture and Ethan was indifferent about it so it was nothing much until this man tries to kiss Ethan! He only got the cheek but he came dangerously close to the lips. The whole thing was strange and Ethan was so not into it. Not in a homophobic way, he was just surprised and uncomfortable about it, basically a foreshadowing of the next event.

After the offense this man walks away leaving us all with shocked but amused faces. I felt bad for making him take the pic but was still laughing. Ethan then came closer to me as I was apologizing and said something along the lines of “wow, now it’s your turn.” And then he brought his face dangerously close to mine and I had no choice but to sweeeerrrvee that shit. He sort of tried again so I needed to say no. It was awkward but the timing was right because the bar closed and we went back up. Oh did I mention we were all a little tipsy? At the time we thought it was all freaking hilarious.

The second time happened in a scene that would have been amazing, lovely and romantic if I was with someone I really liked and maybe even loved. Instead, I was with two native Parisians, my bestie, Ethan’s sister, and of course Ethan. It was a decent group, these people we’re our friends and we were all having a good time watching the Eiffel Tower at night and getting our pictures until this fool tries to kiss me again.

Once again I had to turn my head. This time was even more awkward though because he turned my head with his finger in a gesture that would normally be really cute but with this boy it was just creepy. And again I had to say no, even when he asked “no, really?” I had to be clear. The night was hella awkward for me after that. But I learned something from this experience:

3 STEPS ON HOW TO CURVE A GUY WHO’S TRYING TO KISS YOU

1. Use your senses! I don’t know what it is but I feel like most people have a sort of sixth sense when it comes to knowing when a kiss is coming. If you have this sense and you’re aware of it, use it! If you can leave, leave. Walk away or make a polite excuse. It also helps if your friend is around. Mine wasn’t at the second attempt which I think is why he was so bold with this attempt after already being rejected.

2. Don’t make eye contact. As soon as you feel like you’re about to be kissed and you’re not feeling it for whatever reason avoid at all cost looking this person in the eyes. If you can get away with it, their faces as well. Although, this may not always work, you may have your face moved as you’ve seen above. Which brings us to step 3.

3. Be very clear. Clarity and firmness does not always equal rudeness. If you know you don’t want to kiss this person, move and say no. You need to be clear and firm with what you want. If not then you’re really doing yourself and this person a disservice. You’re leading them on and you’re doing something you know you don’t want to do. Honesty really is the best policy. And if they don’t like it and make a fuss… F*ck them.

– K


*names have been changed

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s